The Online Dump

Saturday, January 31, 2009

Attempt #2

“Tonight on 67.5 FM radio we’ll be bringing you the latest from the streets of L.A! The world’s celebrity capital!”

“Not too many celebrities here though, are there Q.G”

“None at all. Unless you count Brad Pitt!”

“Brad Pitt! The man is a living legend.”

“If living is what you’d call him doing!”

“Ahaha, well, he’s among the many. Not much celebrity status among the living dead is there?”

“I guess not. Unless you’re Britney Spears, her fans were brainless before being brainless was cool.”

“Spoken like a true Anti-hipster.”

“You know you love it.”

“THAT I DO. I think it’s time for the news. On the southbound, make sure to be aware of the rotting pile of dead non-zombie flesh. That’s right folks, for all you out there, (still alive) and not devoured! Make sure to get a taste of this, before the zombies do. Unless you like the taste of zombie meat, in that case, you’re pretty safe for winter!”

“But it doesn’t snow in L.A GQ!”

“It does now! Reports from those scientists holed up in Canada somewhere say that they are as warm as a penguin in Mexico! All the snow is heading over to our direction, what do you have to say to that Chuck?”

“I say! Get your jackets on you boys and girls, it’s going to be a tough one!”

“This is Urban Terror news signing off.”


“…Shit, Jack, are they attacking the station?”

“No, they could be survivors, go check.”

“Fuck you! You should go check.”

“I’m not going to go check – did they just break the window?”

“I told you to board that up yesterday!”

“Jack! Jack! Shit! Jack!”

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Demolition Man

I felt the need to post this. Just because I think it aptly describes my view of freedom and the future that will take this from us. The guy who said this was considered a 'rebel' and the movie centers around a plot to have him assassinated.

The movie is DEMOLITION MAN. You should definitely watch it.

Edgar Friendly: You see, according to Cocteau's plan I'm the enemy, 'cause I like to think; I like to read. I'm into freedom of speech and freedom of choice. I'm the kind of guy likes to sit in a greasy spoon and wonder - "Gee, should I have the T-bone steak or the jumbo rack of barbecued ribs with the side order of gravy fries?" I WANT high cholesterol. I wanna eat bacon and butter and BUCKETS of cheese, okay? I want to smoke a Cuban cigar the size of Cincinnati in the non-smoking section. I want to run through the streets naked with green Jell-o all over my body reading Playboy magazine. Why? Because I suddenly might feel the need to, okay, pal? I've SEEN the future. Do you know what it is? It's a 47-year-old virgin sitting around in his beige pajamas, drinking a banana-broccoli shake, singing "I'm an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

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Attempt #1

She smokes filtered Virginia Slims and watches me from beneath long, curled eyelashes painted with Revlon black mascara. Her eyes reflect blue off the streetlights from outside the window, but I know they’re really brown. A dark brown you’d think she was ashamed of. Her cheeks are powdered with some high-class expensive stuff you can only import, and her lips are full, tucked behind the lustrous deep red. It matches the rubies on her ears, and the rubies around her neck. It even matches the tight black dress she wore to dinner that night.

She’s saying nothing, softly smoking the cigarettes, her brown-blue eyes betraying little of what she’s thinking, and I imagine she’s a statue. A portrait painted by an artist long dead, in the era of time where perfection and realism was key. She’s a picture that belongs to me, the ideal woman, the ideal human being, and she takes a long, elegant drag of the cigarette, that perfect mask that is her face not cracking even as she says, “This isn’t real.”

Monday, January 26, 2009


I am, by no means, a make-up fan. I don't wear a lot of make up, and though I enjoy seeing make up on other people, I don't find it all that fascinating. And though I've tried wearing make up, it all just feels too much and unnecessary.

Now, with that in mind, the one thing about make up that I do enjoy is eyeliner. I have a secret thing for eyeliner and I just adore eyeliner. But I've tried wearing eyeliner for a little while, and it's never really stuck because of the effort it takes to put on, (lazy) and the effort it takes to take off (still lazy), and it's just too much of a hassle in general.

But! There is one eyeliner that's stuck. It's by Gosh Cosmetics.Gosh Cosmetics Velvet Touch Waterproof! Eyeliner
The Gosh Comestics website, ( says that the "Velvet Touch" eyeliner is a semi-permanent make-up and doesn't smudge. And it's waterproof.

I must say, the Velvet Touch eyeliner is gorgeous because it's so soft and easy to put on. I actually don't mind (My problems have all come from sharpening the eyeliner and having the tip fall off, but that's just my sharpener) putting it on because I'm not worried about accidentally jabbing it into my eye. I've worn this eyeliner to go out, and no matter how hard I scrub, it lasts for the next three days. Which is brilliant. I love the eyeliner, and even when I don't want to reapply it, there's still enough left to make it look good, (and pseudo-natural, or just tired and my lack of make-up wearing talent is showing). But I, personally, adore that.

The only issue I have with the ADVERTISING is that it claims that the eyeliner doesn't smudge. I'm on my third stick of the stuff now, but I can safely say that, yeah, it does smudge. It smudges on me a lot, and I don't know if that's because of my skin or some shit, but it ends up making me look like I've been crying or something. Could just be because I live in the desert, but you never know.

Either way, I like a bit of smudging, and really REALLY don't mind.

Overall, I think this product is brilliant. They have a selection of colors, and they are all quite stunning. If I ever decided to lather myself in make-up, it would probably be make-up from Gosh Cosmetics, (just based on the eyeliner, you know I'm brilliant).

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

In Bruges (It's a fairy tale city)

"How's a fairytale town not somebody's fucking thing?"

I heard about 'In Bruges' ages ago, in passing, and never really paid any attention to it. But Award Shows are a secret weakness and I usually end up compiling a list of the most interesting looking movies.

The easiest to get my hands on was 'In Bruges' and having just finished watching it, well, I must say it deserves a review.

In Bruges is about two hitmen who end up hiding out in Bruges on the orders of their...hitman boss?

Colin Farrell plays "Ray" the younger of the two who loves nothing more than the pub and is about as deep as Keanu Reeves. In a 'city well preserved from the Medieval days' Ray would rather do...well anything other than sight see, and I'd have to say he was a pretty cool character. He managed to be a very light character, and even when the thunderclouds started to roll in, it had that much more of an impact because of the contrast between the character and the situation around him.

Granted, I care more about the story itself, and the characters than I do about the actors, BUT, I'd have to say I really liked Colin Farrell in this. You can only really be truly engrossed into the characters when the actor has a good grasp on the role, and Colin Farrell had me at, "Why the fuck are we in Bruge?"

Brendan Gleeson plays "Ken", the older of the two hitmen and the more...culturally oriented. He enjoys the city, and he loves to sight see, and he has the maturity that is lost on Ray. He feels at times more like a babysitter, but he humours Ray, and though he has to resort to explaining things to him, (which are in most cases completely ignored) they still have a good dynamic. Again, Brendan Gleeson's acting is great, and I enjoyed it.

The background shots were stunning, painting a picture of Bruge, which was nice, and it seemed to show off the city, which was good. Though it really did feel like it was a few buildings and the rest of the scenes were just added in shots when someone ventured out of the square most of the movie took place in.

The comedic value is not lost, and I really enjoyed the conversations between Ray and Ken because they had such a strong, almost tangible dynamic. The plot kept moving forward in spite of such light bantering, AND what I enjoyed the most about it was that in the end, everything tied together with no loose ends.

I also liked that the movie presented ideas that were almost outside of the story in a way, but completely relevant. And they spelled it out to you too. It was like being in your English Lit class and having your teacher say, "THIS PLAY IS ABOUT DEATH, THE AFTER-LIFE, SINS, ATONEMENT, PUNISHMENT, GUILT, ETC." It lead you along the right trail of thinking, and beyond that point it allowed the themes to flourish on their own.

The only problem I had with the movie was that I, being Canadian, am used to an American/Canadian accent, (not implying that they are similar, however the Canadian swears a lot more than the American in this), and am not used to strong UK accents, (IRISH and English I think?) In the beginning, some of the dialogue was lost on me, and so much attention needed to be paid to what the fuck they were saying, and rewinds were a necessity.

In Bruges was brilliant. The ending made me weep, (partially because it ended, partially because of the ending itself) and I will contemplate an answer for it for quite a while. The loyalty between friends, not just the main relationship, was a dynamic that I felt was brilliantly true to the characters as they had been presented. The comedic breaks in tension served to, at times, enhance the tension, or ease up on us a little, or even be so perpetually heartbreaking that the scene became even more stunning, and in the end, In Bruges is definitely a movie I would recommend to my friends.

I'd also like to add that, while people on the internet seem to claim that "In Bruges" is modern, and realistic, I would only claim it as one of those two. In Bruges is modern, not realistic. On what universe would two hitmen having the same 'adventures' in Bruges be classified as plausible? Besides, I've never MET any hitmen, but I'd imagine they aren't the same sort of lovable characters as Ray and Ken. Though they could be, I've never actually MET any hitmen, but I'm assuming neither have you. Hence, you can't classify it as REALISTIC just based on that because...let's face it, have you ever met any real hitmen?

Pushing that aside, I would also like to state that, (as an avid debate yesterday managed to point out to me), In Bruges has so many sheer coincidences that it is pretty unrealistic. What I liked about the movie was that all the characters had a solid part to play, and none were squandered. Though, let's face it. That is pretty coincidental.

This brings me to the 'modern' part about the internet's raving, and this, I agree with. Which is the reason why I put 'fairy tale' in all the quotes I've ripped off this movie. In Bruges is exactly like a fairy tale. The COINCIDENCES follow the same general pattern as a fairy tale, where all the characters are very tightly interwoven, (THE witch in the forest reappears at the end of the tale to tell the princess that she's secretly a pumpkin or someshit, and the rat who's tail the queen bit off is actually her husband, etc.) The characters you can identify with, at least one some level, (we're not princess or hitmen, but we can relate with the Princess when she says she's scared of the dark, and we can relate with the hitman when he can't sleep before he's shared his latest news). And the moral of the story IS the theme that runs throughout the movie. It's brilliantly played, and it really is a modern fairy tale. Not entirely for children, granted, but the almost surreal elements within it play up this idea perfectly. Watch In Bruges as a movie. And then re-watch it as a fairy tale, and you'll see what I mean.

Maybe that's what 'ell is, an entire eternity spent in fucking Bruges."

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